Vantage Point

The Kid reminded me of my post sa luma kong blog, he posted comment on my blog Anger, Hatred, Angst. Whew! Ang tindi talaga ng memory ni Willie, I posted that blog early-November. Here what my post says:

Father
Mon Nov 08, 2004
It’s been a long time since maramdaman ko ang feeling ng maging isang ama. I’ve been away for such a long time that I almost forgot how it feels like being a father.

Kanina dumalaw sa bahay ang anak ko. I was out of the house when they came. Honestly, di ko alam kung paano ako magre-react. I did follow my instict, nilapitan ko siya at kinarga. I can’t explain how it feels like. Ang hirap talaga na mapalayo ng matagal sa anak mo, I should know, sa loob ng 8 taon may iilang beses lang kami nagkasama, hours lang yata. Precious hours.

Some people judged me as a bad father. I can’t blame them, siguro impression nila un. Siguro kung sila ang nasa kalagayan ko, di ko alam kung ano magiging ugali nila. They don’t know what I’ve been through. The pain of loosing the only child you know is far more than anyone can bear. Everytime I look back di ko matakasan ang sakit na idinulot ng pagkawalay sa akin ng aking anak.

I am hoping someday pwede na siyang makasama ng mas mahabang panahon. Just hoping….

At least kahit saglit lang sila kanina sa bahay, I felt being a father again.

Senti na naman tuloy uli ako, imagine after more than 2 years of being apart nagkita uli kami ng anak ko. Hearing his voice and pautal na sabihin n’yang ‘Papa’ ang tindi noon, ang sarap.

Ang maranasan ko minsan isang taon ang maging isang ama ay higit pa sa kaligayahang nararamdaman ko sa buong taon. I guess that’s the only reason para di ko na pahabain pa ang problemang ito.

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